


This Love

by Heavenly_Song



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot Collection, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3546926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenly_Song/pseuds/Heavenly_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of all my Bellamy + Clarke one shots from FF. Also the home of any new prompts I receive/find on Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Love

**Author's Note:**

> After Finn’s death, Clarke is tempted to end it all. She nearly succeeds, until a certain someone stops her.

Raven's cries tore through her very soul.

Her screams of pure agony, and the realisation that she was the very cause of it, made her want to drive the knife into her own heart. She deserved it. After this, her soul was not redeemable. Raven would never forgive her. They would never look at her the same way again. She would never look at _herself_ in the same way again.

Clarke ran. And ran. She ignored her mother's screams for her to come back. Ignored Raven's venomous death threats. She felt her brain disconnect from her own body as she turned back to the gates entrance, sprinting at full speed towards the forest. She needed to get away. From everything. From everyone. It seemed selfish, but she wasn't ready to face the consequences. It would make killing Finn seem more real and less like a horrible nightmare. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet. _Or maybe not ever_ , a voice in her head whispered.

It felt like hours before she stopped, puffing and panting. When she realised that she was still holding that _knife_ , she hurled it into the trees with a choked sob.

_I don't deserve to live after what I have done._

It took her a while to realise that her legs had carried her back to the drop ship. _Where she had first met Finn_. She groaned as her knees bent, and she collapsed onto the forest floor.

Curling into a ball, she lay on the ground, broken and vulnerable. She thought that, maybe if she held herself tighter, that she would be able to keep herself together. What she didn't know, was that the moment she had thrust that knife into Finn's body, was the moment when her soul had shattered into a billion pieces.

She didn't think it would ever be possible to heal from this. His face plagued her thoughts, and every single part of her felt as though it was going to shrivel up and disintegrate into nothing. Her heart thumped painfully as she choked and sobbed out into the night. She would never see Finn again. Would never see his goofy smile again, or hear his soft laugh. He would never see the sunrise again, or hear the rustle of the leaves from the winds. He would never have children of his own, or grow old. His tragic end, was _her fault_. His life was over. And she would have to live with that guilt for the rest of her own miserable life.

It was that last thought that made her want to do it. She wanted to die. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. She thought she was strong.

_She was wrong._

She shakily rose to her feet, and began searching the ground for the knife. It hadn't taken her long before she found it, tightly embedded into the trunk of a tree. With a grunt, she pulled it out and turned it over in her hands. She took in what she thought was her last deep breath, and positioned the knife over her heart.

She wanted this. She couldn't bear living with what she had done. It was time to remove herself from this agonising pain. It was time to be selfish.

It was time for her to go.

But before she had the chance to end it all, large hands clamped over her own, bringing her arms behind her back and causing the knife to fall out of her hands. She inhaled, shocked... and angry. Because she had been _so close_.

She squinted, and as the intruder moved, the light from the moon caught the side of his face. _Bellamy._

"Let go of me, Bellamy" she started, weakly at first. He said nothing, which only angered her further. She bought her hands into hard fists, banging them against his broad chest. He still said nothing, only holding her tighter.

It was so unfair. All she wanted was to die, dammit! It was a personal decision, one that he was not entitled to interfere with. He had _no right_ to try and stop her.

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" she echoed her own thoughts, "GET THE FUCK OFF ME BELLAMY! LET GO OF ME" She was crying again, screaming multiple curses at him as he stubbornly continued to embrace her.

"No" He managed to grunt, "Im not gonna let you fall, Princess".

That was when Clarke lost it. She screamed, kicking and punching her co-leader until she couldn't find it within herself to _try_ anymore. He stubbornly refused to let her go, even though she had probably broken one of his ribs by now. Gradually, her punches weakened, until she relented, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and sobbing into his shoulder. He rubbed her back soothingly, and when she fell back onto the ground, he came down with her. 

"You are so, so brave" he whispered in her ear. He kissed her forehead. Her cries weakened into hiccups, and she buried her head into the crook of Bellamy's shoulder in an attempt to seek warmth.

She didn't deserve to feel safe. She didn't deserve any of the sweet oxygen that was currently circulating through her lungs, because Finn was dead. He would never breathe again. And it was all her fault.

"All my fault" she whispered into Bellamy's neck.

"No, No" he soothed, pulling back to rub his thumb over her cheek. He continued to rid her face of her salty tears as she stared blankly into his eyes. 

Clarke almost didn't realise it when he picked her up, ever so carefully, as if she were a fragile porcelain doll. She began protesting, until she realised that they weren't going back to camp. Instead, he carried her into the drop ship. Bellamy set her down onto an abandoned blanket before laying down next to her with a small sigh.

"Can you hold me?" Clarke whispered. It was selfish, but she wanted to feel something, anything other than the aching sadness. And when he touched her, no matter how badly she felt; His touch would always make her feel like she was on fire.

And so he did. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind, his chin nuzzling into her shoulder comfortingly. She inhaled shakily when his large fingers laced in-between her smaller ones. She could feel his heartbeat, as if it were her own. It soothed her, enabling her eyes to slowly flutter closed.

"What am I going to do, Bellamy?" she murmurs. His breath tickles her neck as he opens his mouth to respond.

"Can we figure it out tomorrow?" he asks her sleepily. He kisses her neck one last time. "Just know that Finn is at peace. He has you to thank for that"

Clarke swallowed thickly and nodded. It was going to be so, so hard, to live with what she had done. But when she pictured having Bellamy by her side, things didn't seem so hopeless. Maybe, just maybe, she would be able continue fighting. Because he would be there, every single time, to pick her up when she would otherwise fall.

After a while, she hears Bellamy's soft snores, and this lulls her into her own sleep. That night, she dreams of Finn, smiling at her warmly, his brown eyes sparkling with some of his old mischief. He turns and walks towards the setting sun; as she watches, she feels a sudden peace, because she knows that Finn has found his. Finally, he turns towards her, one last time, and gives her that goofy smile. _Thank You_ , he tells her.

_Now I am free._


	2. She had failed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia dies and Bellamy falls apart. He pushes everyone, including Clarke, away, and decides that the only way that he can go on is if he leaves camp forever. Clarke makes a confession, hoping that it will give him a reason to stay.

"Don't do this Bellamy.  _Please_ " Clarke begged.

She tried to grab the backpack; her fingers meeting with thin air instead. Bellamy had swung it over his shoulder and was moving at lightning speed towards the gate's entrance.

She knew that he wasn't thinking straight, that his grief was making him act this way. But she couldn't help but feel angry at him for pushing her and everyone else who wanted to help away.

"STOP, Bellamy! Your not thinking straight!" she yelled, pulling at his arm so forcefully that he nearly knocked right back into her. Their eyes met, and she gasped at what she saw. He was so  _empty_ , so void of any emotion. So lifeless. So broken. His brown eyes, so cold and yet so full of pain, had shown her what words never could.

His angry glare travelled from her eyes to her hand, which was tightly holding his arm. She wasn't going to lie anymore; the way he looked at her, like she was a disease, like she no longer meant anything to him, was  _killing_  her inside. But she had to try and get through to him. Under all of Bellamy's hostile facade, she knew that there was the good, kind and fair leader that had saved them all. The man who was gentle, and affectionate. Maybe, if he just knew that he didn't have to go through this alone, then he would stay.

"No,  _Princess_. Thats where your wrong" He sneered. He took a step forward, so that he was towering over her. "All I've ever wanted was to leave. The only reason I had ever stayed" his voice dropped to a whisper "Was for Octavia. And now she's dead. There isn't anything left here for me anymore".

He began walking away as Clarke fumbled with what she should say.  _How could she convince him?_  She would just have to tell him the truth. She swallowed thickly.

"Bellamy" she spoke to his back, "I can see that there is nothing that will change your mind. So go. Leave Camp. All I'm asking is that I go with you".

After what seemed like years, Bellamy finally spun around to face her, and Clarke's hope grew slightly. He was still sneering at her with unmasked disgust, which did hurt, but his eyes revealed fear, and vulnerability, which was a sign. She  _was_  getting through to him.

"I appreciate your concern" his blunt response was laced with sarcasm. Clarke crossed her arms. Now she was defiantly angry.

"You don't, and you and I both know it" she took another step forward. "You are only going to make losing Octavia even harder if you keep pushing every single person that cares away" Bellamy took a step back. She took one forward. "And believe it or not, I  _want_  to be there for you. Just let me be there for you Bellamy" her voice quivered. She felt so, so scared. He could reject her, and then she would break. She didn't like admitting it, but he had the power to make her or break her. It was terrifying.

"We already discussed this, you and Spacewalker made it very clear" he sounded tired, "You aren't my girlfriend, Clarke".

Clarke took the last step, so that they were chest to chest, and reached out slowly, as if he were a wild animal. When he didn't lean back or shove her away, she slowly took his hand, letting her small fingers curl around his large tanned ones. Her gaze travelled to his.

"I want you to know that you aren't alone. We are the leaders of this camp. A team. We work together. And I think that you need me, just as much as I said that I needed you" She may have imagined it, but Bellamy's hand may have just squeezed hers lightly. She shivered.

"I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, then I'm here. I will stand by you through  _anything_ " she told him honestly. Bellamy's eyes fluttered, his jaw tightening. The atmosphere felt electric; pulsating with too many emotions. Her head spun as she waited for Bellamy to respond.

"Why would you do that?" he accused bitterly.

She knew why. Oh, she had known for so long. She knew then that this was the right time, the defining moment that would change everything between her and Bellamy forever. She cleared her throat and tilted her head slightly.

"Because I Love you" She whispered.

Bellamy's jaw slackened, his eyes glistening with a deep emotion as they bored into her own. For a few seconds, she saw those walls that he had built so high, come crashing down. She could hear her own heart beating wildly, so loudly that she was surprised that he couldn't hear it. For a moment, it had seemed like Bellamy would finally let her in, that he would wrap her into his own arms and apologise for the way that he had pushed her away, and that she could hold him too, and show him that it was okay to grieve. She gazed up at him hopefully.

But then Bellamy dropped her hand, and his eyes changed. Her heart fell as she watched his eyes harden, containing his true soul behind those damned walls. How could he do that, when only moments before she had sent them crashing down? She knew that he cared. She knew it. But nothing could ever prepare her for what he was about to say next.

"I. Don't. Care" Bellamy spat out. He stared at her a moment longer before turning away. And this time she didn't stop him. He walked out of the gate, his backpack slung onto his back. With every step that he took, she felt her heart sink even further, if that was even possible. He was gone.

And Clarke didn't think that he was ever going to come back.

Her throat tightened, and she couldn't stop the sobs that shook her body, or the tears that spilled down her cheeks onto the forest floor. Her legs shook and she let them give way, her whole body collapsing onto the ground. She cried and choked and sobbed for what seemed like forever, over her rejected confession, over Bellamy, who had lost his own way. And over Octavia, who hadn't deserved the painful death that she had received. Clarke had promised in her last moments to keep her brother safe.

And she had failed.


	3. I Know You Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on recent Clexa Scenes, but Bellarke. After returning from Mt Weather, Bellamy confronts Clarke about why she's been so distant with him lately.

Several days after Bellamy's triumphant return from Mt Weather, Octavia had filled him in on why Clarke had been acting so distant with him, as well as with the rest of the dissapointed 47. Jasper and Monty were especially concerned, as well as Abby. He just couldn't believe that Clarke had listened to Lexa of all people.

Love is Weakness,  _really_? Bellamy snorted. "Thanks a bunch, Lexa" he spoke to the sky.

Unfortunately after the war with Mt Weather the Commander was no longer able to lead next to Clarke, so Bellamy had taken back his position as Clarke's second. It felt nice, to be back where he belonged; by Clarke's side, helping her lead their people. But she had changed, and since he had gone no one had been brave enough to step in and shake her out of whatever phase Lexa had pushed her into.

And so that's why he was walking over to her tent, planning out everything he was going to say. They needed the old Clarke back if they were going to survive any other obstacles that could be thrown their way. And since Abby and Octavia had been avoiding Clarke, Raven having been,  _well_... 'busy _'_  with Wick, and Jasper and Monty were too afraid to confront her, It was left up to him to talk her into snaping out of her cold demeanour.

Rather than knocking, Bellamy chose to barge into the tent. Clarke was standing over the large table, studying the map that showed them all of the Grounder clans locations. Bellamy cleared his throat and she turned around slowly, a pointed look addressing her features.

"What is it now?" Clarke sighed. He put his hands in his pockets and moved forward casually.  _So she was in a bad mood_. He could see it in her posture; he way her fists clenched, how her back was slouched slightly.  _It was now or never,_ he thought helplessly.

"Love is weakness?" He saw her visibly stiffen, "Octavia filled me in on everything. That's why you sent me away, isn't it?"

Her blue eyes darkened and she moved forward, closing the distance between them. "She had no right! I told her not to say anything, and she-"

"Don't blame Octavia for this!" He could hear his voice rising but couldn't find it in himself to control it, "Did you really think that I wouldn't have been able to notice? Your not acting like yourself, Clarke, and it's been this way for a long time now".

"I'm doing what I need to do in order to make myself into a strong leader. That's what we need in order for our kind to survive"

"Your so wrong, Clarke!" Bellamy moved closer, until he was in her personal space. She took a small step back. "Hiding from what you feel is weak. Your a liar, Clarke. You felt something for Finn" he took a step forward, and she moved back, her eyes widening in alarm. She looked so trapped in that moment, that he nearly stopped his probing. But he reminded himself that Clarke needed this push.

"You cared about the 47 in Mt Weather, or else you wouldn't have started a war to go and get them back" he continued, taking the next step forward. She once again moved back.

"And I know that after everything we went through that you have feelings for me. You sent me away because you were afraid. You thought I was making you weak. But Clarke, your wrong.  _Love_ , and caring about other people can make you stronger. It gives you purpose, it makes you a stronger person...simply because you know that the people you love will be there for you. So don't tell me that love is weakness. It's not. You know it isn't, Clarke"

As the blonde took her final step back her knees hit the back of the table. Her hand reached out to grip its surface for balance, and Bellamy could see that she was visibly shaking, her full bottom lip trembling. But her blue eyes shone with defiance... A familiar defiance.

It was the exact same light that had been in her gaze once before, when he had told her that leaders should do what they thought were right. She had been so sure of herself, so considerate of how her decision would affect her people. It gave Bellamy hope, that he was actually getting somewhere with her.

"Get. Out." Clarke choked out, her breath dancing on his cheekbones. They both stared at each other, chests heaving, bodies trembling. Finally Bellamy spoke:

"Am I  _wrong_  about your feelings?" He sighed, "Am I wrong in saying that you care about me?"

"No" she whispered. He stared at her, surprised. He had been expecting her to continue playing her 'above it all' facade, but she had just admitted that she did care about him. Slowly, Bellamy leaned in even closer. He felt his nose brush against hers and she sighed.

"Maybe life should be more than about just surviving" he murmured, before closing the precious distance between their lips.

The kiss was slow, and as Bellamy put a hand on Clarke's neck she responded by moving her soft lips gently against his own. There tongues met and he pushed her further into the table, feeling every curve of her body pressed against his. He was pretty sure that he heard her moan when he bit her bottom lip gently, and his hands moved until they gripped her waist, pulling her front into his. He sighed into her at the friction before tilting his head to get better access to her lips.

Bellamy's lips lingered atop Clarke's for several seconds before disconnecting with a sensual pop. He tilted his head to the other side, intending on kissing her again when she reared back slightly. He opened his eyes slowly to see her looking up at him deeply, a pained expression clouding her features.

"Bellamy, look. I'm not... Ready to be with anyone. At least not yet" she said quietly. He hid his disappointment by smiling at her softly, cupping her face with his hand. Her eyes closed.

"Then I'll have to wait, won't I  _princess_?"


End file.
